Victimhood No More.

We all have a choice in life whenever something unexpected happens to us: you can become bitter or get better, get the message or stay stuck with the mess, let it lessen you or learn the lesson, become a victim of your situation or take agency for your life. Life is a roller coaster of challenges, trials, tribulations, upheavals and crises which, if not handled well, would create further chaos. Motivational speaker Les Brown often says: “If you don’t handle it with grace, it will stay in your face.” You are not a victim, you are not helpless, you are not a tree, and ultimately, you can handle any situation you find yourself in. Life can be extremely tough at times, and you want to call a pity party, you focus on the windows instead of the mirror, and blame everyone but yourself for what you are going through.

There are four characters in every story ¹: The victim, the villain, the hero, and the guide. These four characters live inside us. If we play the victim, we’re doomed to fail. If we play the villain, we will not create genuine bonds. But if we play the hero or guide, our lives will flourish. The hard part is being self-aware enough to know which character we are playing.

THE VICTIM: THE ONE WHO FEELS LIKE THEY HAVE NO WAY OUT

One thing that will ruin a story fast is if the hero—the character that the story is about—acts like a victim.

You cannot have a lead character in a story that acts like a victim. This is true in stories and it’s true in life. In fact, this is true in stories because it’s true in life. The reason a hero that acts like a victim ruins the story is because a story must move forward to be interesting. The hero must want something that is difficult and perhaps even frightening to achieve. This is the plot of nearly every inspirational story you’ve ever read.

A victim, on the other hand, does not move forward or accept challenges. Instead, a victim gives up because they have come to believe they are doomed.

Victims believe they are helpless and so flail until they are rescued.

Victim Energy

If a story is going to work, the hero must not surface victim energy. Victim energy is a belief that we are helpless, that we are doomed.

Waiting for permission to act is the easy way out ². Everyone has to play the hand they’re dealt. This means that you can’t make a habit of pointing fingers, blaming others, or complaining. As painful as it can be, unfairness is baked into every aspect of life, and to make a contribution and empty yourself of your potential, you have to come to terms with it and refuse to be a victim.

12-notes-on-life-and-creativity-quincy-jones

With the inevitability of hardship in this often broken world, it’s important to understand what fills your voids and also where you are projecting yours. The moment you slip into a victim mentality, not only are you faced with having to deal with external problems, but you’ve also given yourself a whole new set of internal problems that will only stunt your growth as both a human and a creative being. You don’t have to let the anguish that has permeated pockets of your life completely take over. ³

The Story (and the Choice) ⁴

Often, we’ll go to ridiculous lengths to make the story come true. The story might be one of entitlement or talent. It might be one of injustice or privilege. Often, though, the story is based on lowered expectations, the seduction of compliance, and the avoidance of failure. We keep trying to make the existing narrative true, because that’s a lot more comfortable than the alternative.

“Here we go again” is an easy way to lull yourself into victimhood, a place where the work is no longer up to you. If we believe that it’s not our turn, that we’re not talented enough, we’ll do whatever we can to make that story true. We’ll sit back and wait to be chosen instead.

That’s backward.

Most of the time, the story we live by came from somewhere. It might be the way we were raised, or it could be the outcome of a series of events. Burn yourself on the stove and you might persuade yourself that you should go nowhere near a stove. Grow up in a home with low expectations and it’s possible you’ll begin to believe them. The story we tell ourselves leads to the actions we take.

If you want to change your story, change your actions first. When we choose to act a certain way, our mind can’t help but rework our narrative to make those actions become coherent.

Meditation

Daily Calm with Tamara Levitt – Savoring
We overlook the boundless beauty in our everyday experience; we are so attentive to things that look urgent and important; we can ignore a whole universe of tiny yet profound things. With mindfulness, we are training ourselves to be more mindful of the world around us and with heightened awareness, the tiny things we once ignored become sources of deeper appreciation. We learn to tune and savour the nuances and intricacies of each experience.