Run for your life is a metaphor for taking initiative, betting on yourself, and trusting the process. We stay in toxic relationships, fail to set healthy boundaries, people please, and do not start or follow through with our wildest dreams because of the fear of what other people will say and the fear of failure. As American Pulitzer Prize-winning poet Mary Oliver demanded, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” This is not a drill or a dress rehearsal; there are no do-overs. This is it, and you’ve got to run toward your purpose and mission in life. Run away from naysayers to find your yay-sayers, run towards a life filled with joy, tranquility, and a sense of wonder. As American essayist Ralph Waldo Emerson observed “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to change you is the greatest accomplishment.” People pleasing, a lack of healthy boundaries and a fear of what other people would say about your life choices can get someone killed.
We live in a world where most of us are living with our unresolved childhood trauma which ultimately leads to personality disorders such as borderline personality disorder, narcissism, sociopathy, psychopathy, and other related mental illnesses. One needs to take their destiny into their own hands if a situation is not moving you toward achieving your purpose in life, run for your life. Avoid draining relationships, toxic family members, and situations that are not taking you to the next level. It is tough setting healthy boundaries, especially for close family, friends, and acquaintances but it could save your one and only precious life. It is better to be safe than to be sorry. Don’t ask for permission, ask for forgiveness. Toxic is Toxic, you are here for a greater purpose than to be baby-sitting grown adults.
The Agnes Tirop Story
Kenyan long-distance runner Agnes Tirop had just broken the 10 KM world record for a women’s only event at the Addidas headquarters in Herzogenaurach, Germany. Five weeks after her record-setting run, she was stabbed by her husband to death in their family home in Iten, Kenya. Agne’s husband Ibrahim Rotich had called his family members asking them for forgiveness for what he had done. Agnes Tirop was a rising star and her light was dimed by domestic violence. The circumstance that led to Agnes’s death is very sad and depressing. She had previously left her husband but went back after her triumph in Germany and she was subsequently murdered. Domestic violence is more pervasive than most of us can imagine.
In No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us 1, American Journalist Rachel Louise Snyder examines the ills and effects of domestic violence. She writes:
Domestic violence is like no other crime. It does not happen in a vacuum. It does not happen because someone is in the wrong place at the wrong time. Our homes and families are supposed to be sacred territory, the “haven in a heartless world,”. This is part of what makes it so untenable. It’s violence from someone you know, from someone who claims to love you. It is most often hidden from even one’s closest confidantes, and on many occasions the physical violence is far less damaging than the emotional and verbal violence.
In his book, In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People 2, clinical psychologist describes “The Slot Machine Syndrome” which often develops in abusive, manipulative relationships that prompt a victim to stay even when they’ve often thought about leaving. He writes:
There are primarily four reasons why a person can get trapped in this syndrome.
First, there’s the appeal of the “jackpot.” People often jump at the chance to get a lot of something that’s very valuable to them for what initially appears a relatively small investment.
Second, whether or not you will get anything for your efforts depends only on the degree to which you are willing to “respond” (behaviorists call this a ratio schedule of reinforcement). With a slot machine, you have to do a lot of “responding” (investing) to even have a chance at winning.
Third, every now and then, a “cherry” (or, some similar small jackpot) appears and you “win” a little something. This reinforces the idea that your investment is not for naught and that “winning” a larger payoff is really possible if you just keep investing.
Fourth, after you’ve been worn down by the machine’s “abuse” and are tempted to walk away, you’re faced with a most difficult dilemma. If you leave, you leave behind a substantial investment. You not only have to walk away from your “abuser,” but from a huge chunk of yourself. To disengage with nothing to show for your time and energy but a broken spirit is hard to do. You’re tempted to delude yourself by saying: “If I just put in one more quarter…
- Daily Calm with Tamara Levitt – Interruptions
- Thanks to the internet, we are sharing every detail of our life, every opinion, while it is understandable to feel the pressure to bring our offering to social media; it is important to realize that broadcasting everything we think and do can take us out of the present. Through mindfulness, we learn the value of living in the present, by training ourselves to come back, over and over, we break the habit of distraction and we are able to relish the present, living richer fuller lives.
- Sometimes we preserve the meaning and essence of a moment by keeping it all to ourselves. Meditation is practice for real life, we want to notice our response to whatever comes up, and practice non-reactivity.
“Wherever you are, be there. If you can be fully present now, you’ll know what it means to live.”― Steve Goodier
- Daily Jay with Jay Shetty – Cultivate Curiosity
- Every relationship and adventure starts with two words “I Wander”. Researchers found that curious people are happier, have less anxiety and have greater life satisfaction. When we opt for exploration, we are not focused on what could go wrong but on what could go right. We are more likely to try things and discover what truly engages us.
- Curiosity is a muscle that you can build. Instead of jumping to conclusions or rushing to find the answers, look for the questions, rather than closing loops, keep exploring, and stay open to something other than your initial reaction. Questions help us gain clarity and insight, they allow us to see things from new perspectives.
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”― Rainer Maria Rilke
- The surprise that’s saving food with Lucie Basch of Too Good To Go (2023)– How I Built It Podcast with Guy Raz.
All the best in your quest to get better. Don’t Settle: Live with Passion.