We get what we tolerate in life, as we cannot rise above what we firmly believe we deserve. Your fear of being alone has got you stuck in toxic relationships, draining situations, addicted to the familiar and enabling bad behaviour from the closest people around you. Our relationships can make or mar us; they can take you to the next level and send you to rock bottom. Your inability to set healthy boundaries, people-pleasing, and accepting everything done to you, all in the name of maintaining peace, could lead to unintended consequences. As the African proverb goes, “If there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do us no harm”. When you know your worth and realize that you deserve better, you begin to set healthy boundaries and optimize for peace of mind.
You deserve better than baby-seating adults, entering co-dependent relationships and giving your power away to others. You are here on earth to create epic shit, and allowing others to drain your limited energy is not worth it in the long run. Homeostasis is our natural human self-regulating tendency to maintain stability, the status quo and optimize for survival. American businessman and author John A. Shedd once quipped, “A ship in a harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for“. Happiness in life is derived from energy management, optimizing your frequencies, wavelength, amplitude and peace. If someone or something stops serving your ultimate purpose, the ideal thing to do is to renegotiate and recalibrate the mode of engagement.
A good example is how we collectively use social media as a civilization. Social media and the internet are two of the best innovations created in the past four decades; they have enabled us to communicate seamlessly, fast-tracked globalization, and enhanced lifelong learning. But the same technologies are beginning to divide our civilization as we are less kinder and less empathetic towards one another, the depression rate is going off the roof, perfectionism and self-comparison are the order of the day. We know deep inside that these technologies are not serving our ultimate life’s purpose, but we hang on to these platforms as our source of living is tied to them. I agree with American writer and political activist Upton Sinclair, who asserted, ‘ It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it.’
‘ It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends on his not understanding it.’ – Upton Sinclair
Meditate on your engagement with the relationship or thing if it stops serving you. Your life’s essence is not to perform for other people on social media, living a role that is predicated on other people’s perceptions. You deserve better; you deserve to know your purpose here in life and find a way to be of service to the world around you. You are here for a limited amount of time; this is not a drill, and there are no do-overs or second chances. You are here to do remarkable things, and engaging with things that are not getting you closer to your core purpose in life is not a good use of your limited time here. The question you should be asking your self as regards andy relationship or associations is, “What am I becoming”?
When you find yourself in a one-way relationship, this is a direct repetition of the toxic family that raised you. Notice what is happening, keep some notes so you can be sure, and start creating distance between yourself and the person you feel may be using you. Remind yourself that you deserve better. If you are alone, change your mindset to the idea that you are not by yourself but with yourself. When you can enjoy your own companionship, you become less dependent on relationships as the only satisfying way to fill your cup.
Heal fears of being alone, which provoke you to conform and stay in unhealthy relationships.
Meditation
- Daily Calm with Tamara Levitt – Samvega
- Mindfulness practice is marred by a slow and at times, unnoticeable progress. With headway so gradual, we sometimes go through a process of frustration, low motivation and lacklustre motivation.
- Samvega, the pali word, refers to the stark realization of the importance of practice since death can happen at any moment. Samvega is not meant to scare us but to wake us up to life’s preciousness so we can commit to the essential things that support us in living meaningfully. We have a tendency not to think of our impermanence, as the idea of death can be very uncomfortable, but we are here in this life for a limited time, and that can be a powerful motivator to drive our practice.
- Meditation is about being present and experiencing life more fully and, therefore, is a wise pursuit when faced with the limited nature of this life. We may think that a good life means accomplishing a lot, but from a view of mindfulness, a good life is experienced fully with an open heart regardless of one’s accomplishments.
Nothing gives life more purpose than the realization that every moment of consciousness is a precious and fragile gift. — Steven Pinker.
- Daily Jay with Jay Shetty – Measuring Success
- We define success by status or material objects or how far off a specific ladder we’ve happened to climb. We can measure achievement any way we want; we each get to say what makes us well off, and we each get to decide what hashtag winning means.
Podcast
- Manifest Your Desires: How to Align Your Goals and Achieve Your Dreams – Ed Mylett Podcast
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