In Steven B. Sample‘s book The Contrarian’s Guide to Leadership, he observed that “the average person suffers from three delusions; we believe we are good drivers, good listeners, and think we have a good sense of humour.” We think we are good listeners, but we are always waiting to respond instead of deliberately listening. Listening is one of the most challenging skills that I am always battling to harness. I love sharing my thoughts on subject matters, especially the ones I am passionate about. I am learning to think and take a breath before speaking nowadays and ask myself, “Is it worth it?”. It’s tough to master the skill but I believe with time, I will master my listening skill.
In his book, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful!, executive coach Marshall Goldsmith identified “Not listening: The most passive-aggressive form of disrespect for colleagues.” as one of the twenty habits found among highly successful and he described strategies for becoming a better listener. Goldsmith observed:
The first active choice you have to make in listening is to think before you speak. You can’t listen if you’re talking. So keeping your mouth shut is an active choice.
When you fail at listening, you’re sending out an armada of negative messages. You’re saying:
- I don’t care about you.
- I don’t understand you. You’re wrong.
- You’re stupid.
- You’re wasting my time.
- All of the above.
The interesting thing about not listening is that, for the most part, it’s a silent, invisible activity. People rarely notice you doing it. You can be not listening because you’re bored, distracted, or busy composing what you want to say—and no one will know it. The first active choice you have to make in listening is to think before you speak. You can’t listen if you’re talking. So keeping your mouth shut is an active choice.
Listening is a two-part maneuver.
There’s the part where we actually listen. And there’s the part where we speak. Speaking establishes how we are perceived as a listener. What we say is proof of how well we listen. They are two sides of the same coin.
Meditations
Daily Calm with Tamara Levitt. – Heart
The follow the leader technique inspires us to rest the thinking mind and move into a feeling of flow. Quieting the mind can also help us connect to our intuition. When we take a break from thinking and analysing, we can listen to what is happening deep within and discover our innate wisdom. When we are trying to brainstorm or make a big decision. It may require courage to release our impulse to dive into intellectual thoughts.
The place we usually go when we want to reason, fix or solve. While thinking and processing is important, it can be limited. We also want to step back from thought, quite the mind and open up the heart to access our emotions and intuitions. In the end, it is often our heart that guides us in the right direction.
“Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
― Steve Jobs
Daily Jay with Jay Shetty – Long Distance
Just because you can stay in touch doesn’t mean that you are doing it in a way that builds closeness. What really matters is being intentional in your interactions.
In our internet world, we are constantly in touch: Dming, commenting, texting but how often are we conscious in our communication.
We can actually foster a deeper rapport from afar. The medium doesn’t matter as much as the method. Don’t dismiss relationships just because you are separated physically. When you nurture genuine closeness, it can be felt from a million miles away.
Podcast
- Deepak Chopra On: Consciousness, Quantum Physics, Handling Criticism, And The Benefit Of Contemplating Your Own Death | Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris
All the best in your quest to get better. Don’t Settle: Live with Passion
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