True equanimity is not a withdrawal; it is a balanced engagement with all aspects of life. It is opening to the whole of life with composure and ease of mind, accepting the beautiful and terrifying nature of all things. – Jack Kornfield.
Equanimity is a state of psychological stability and composure which is undisturbed by the experience of or exposure to emotions, pain, or other phenomena that may cause others to lose the balance of their mind. 1 Equanimity can be defined as an even-minded mental state or dispositional tendency toward all experiences or objects, regardless of their origin or their affective valence (pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral). It is a mental state or trait that is not easily achieved and typically requires some form of practice. It is an “even-mindedness in the face of every sort of experience, regardless of whether pleasure [or] pain are present or not”. 2
Equanimity is derived from French équanimité, from Latin aequanimitatem (nominative aequanimitas) “evenness of mind, calmness; good-will, kindness,”. 3 Equanimity is being at peace with whatever is in our experience. As French Jesuit Pierre Teilhard de Chardin once quipped. “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.
Equanimity is an even-minded mental state or dispositional tendency toward all experiences or objects, regardless of their affective valence (pleasant, unpleasant or neutral) or source.
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating – If Poem by Rudyard Kipling.
Developing equanimity can be extremely tough, as we must deal with unexpected emotions and situations daily. It is not a matter of if; it is a matter of when. Whatever will go wrong will eventually go wrong (Murphy’s Law). The key to developing equanimity in these situations is not to resist the emotions or run away from the challenges when they come to visit. One of the key teachings of mindfulness is the Impermanence of everything in life. As Vivian Greene once said, “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” When things go wrong, as it often does, do not go wrong with it. Do not let success get to your head, and do not let failure get to your heart. This is a moment in time, and this too shall pass.
“Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.” – Forrest Gump Movie
Mindfulness 4
Mindfulness refers to the clear seeing and nonjudgmental acceptance of what’s occurring in the present moment. Facing up to reality, in other words. The idea is that we need to see things as they are, no more, no less, in order to respond to our current situation in the most compassionate—and therefore effective—manner. Mindfulness brings us back to the present moment and provides the type of balanced awareness that forms the foundation of self-compassion. Like a clear, still pool without ripples, mindfulness perfectly mirrors what’s occurring without distortion. Rather than becoming lost in our own personal soap opera, mindfulness allows us to view our situation with greater perspective and helps to ensure that we don’t suffer unnecessarily.
Mindfulness allows us to stop resisting reality because it holds all experience in nonjudgmental awareness. It allows us to accept the fact that something unpleasant is occurring, even if we don’t like it. By mindfully relating to our difficult emotions, they have the chance to take their natural course, arising and eventually passing away. If we can wait out the storm with relative equanimity, we won’t make things any worse than they already are. Pain is unavoidable; suffering is optional.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. – Serenity Prayer
Meditations
Daily Calm with Tamara Levitt – Staying
See if you can observe an emotion without identifying with it. So whenever you notice a feeling arise, acknowledge it as just a passing feeling. All emotions come and go. Our emotions aren’t solid or fixed; they are simply temporary experiences of this moment. Understanding this can help us relax into our emotions and offer them space with gentle compassion.
When we don’t push away or resist emotions, they more easily flow through us. They arise and pass away, just like the breath. It is challenging to stay with intense emotions; it can be too much to bear when we feel the acuteness of anger or the sorrow of sadness. And often, we tend to bury these feelings, to distract, avoid and resist. But there is a healthier way to work through heavy emotions. Instead of slamming the door on them, we can open the door and invite them inside. If we can face severe anxiety with gentleness, compassion and non-judgment, we can hold what is in our experience tenderly.
If we don’t learn to face whatever we are feeling, we’ll always be running. When we observe our hurt with objectivity, it transforms from a defect of our being to an emotion in our experience in this moment. When we move through discomfort with an understanding of impermanence, we see that all emotions come and go. They may overwhelm us, but they will always change and, with time, slip through us.
“To stay with that shakiness—to stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feeling of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge—that is the path of true awakening. Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic—this is the spiritual path.”― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
Daily Jay with Jay Shetty – Dialogue Over Debate
Communication is like a tennis match; one person hits the ball, and the other person hits it back. In tennis, someone is trying to come out on top, but when we interact like that, no one wins. It is almost instinctual that when we are attacked, we go on the defensive. We know that if we are aggressive or defensive, others will likely respond in kind. Sport is one thing, but in life, the only worthwhile victory is where everyone wins. It can also be helpful to develop a mantra for times when you are reactive, such as “approach this from a place of peace” or “Stay centred, stay neutral.”
Daily Trip with Jeff Warren – One Thing at a Time
Podcast
- Busy People vs Productive People: What It Takes To Achieve Mastery & Avoid Burnout | Cal Newport
All the best in your quest to get better. Don’t Settle: Live with Passion
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