A Moment in Time.

March 5, 2024 In Musings 6 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

Life is often a rollercoaster of ups and downs, peaks and valleys, sweet and bitter, good and bad. It can be extremely tough to navigate the vicissitudes of life, the rollercoaster is never ending; if it is not this then it is that. You are either living in a storm, going through a storm, or entering a new storm. Whatever goes wrong, always goes wrong (Murphy’s Law). Whatever you are going through right now is a moment in time; it will eventually pass. Theodor Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss) once quipped “When something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” Every situation, circumstance, trial and tribulation is a moment in time. You made a mistake but you are not a mistake, you failed but you are not a failure. You are just experiencing the bittersweet experience of being human.

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”- Viktor E. Frankl

Whatever you are going through right now—grief, job loss, loss of a loved one, heartbreak, divorce, financial insolvency, rejection, business failure, anxiety, or worry—these are all moments in time. You can either learn the lessons or let them lessen you. You can get the message in the mess or stay stuck in the mess. It is tough dealing with these situations, but it is part of being human. The pain can be debilitating, the path to the top is an uphill battle, and it will be tough before it gets better.

Information Compulsion: Excessive Self-Disclosure.

March 1, 2024 In Musings 6 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

Self-disclosure is a process of communication by which one person reveals information about themselves to another. The information can be descriptive or evaluative, and can include thoughts, feelings, aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears, and dreams, as well as one’s likes, dislikes, and favorites. 1. One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personalistic self-disclosure (Arthur Aron et al 1987). ² There is a very thin line with the appropriate self-disclosure needed at the beginning of nurturing an intimate relationship and oversharing.

I am very passionate about most things I am engaged in, which always gives me joy to want to share. I always want to share what I am learning, strategies that are working for me, like my fitness regimen, meditation practice, self-discipline identity, books I am reading and goals I am trying to achieve. After reading up and connecting some dots from personal experience, I have concluded that I need to reduce this tendency to overshare or become vulnerable with people who have not earned that trust or reciprocated that vulnerability. When I share some of these so-called insights of mine or goals achieved, like running multiple marathons a year or reading 100 books a year, I usually feel that my intentions are not understood. I am beginning to feel that most people might feel I am bragging or think I am claiming moral righteousness when I say I don’t use social media anymore.

Adding too much value.

February 29, 2024 In Musings 6 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

It took me a while to put a name to it, but I am getting close to a vocabulary for this phenomenon, as a placeholder would call it, “Adding too much value” syndrome. I have always suspected that I see too much good in people. I am always trying to share the great tools that have worked for me, like reading, exercise, meditation, personal growth mindset and lifelong learning. However, the more I shared, the more I realized I needed to understand my audience before I started sharing. We are all at different stages in our personal development consciousness.

I have developed some very great habits that I am very proud of, such as my self-discipline, meditation practice, daily exercise regimen, daily podcast listening and language-learning adventures. These practices and challenges have taught me more about myself than in my two decades of formal schooling. Because of this, I am always eager to share and help people become a better version of themselves. In What Got You Here Will Not Get You There, executive coach Marshall Goldsmith shared 20 habits that could hinder further success. One of the habits highlighted is the “Adding too much value” syndrome. When I read about it, it seemed like something I constantly do and I need to work on.

Create a To-Stop List.

February 28, 2024 In Musings 8 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials. – Lin Yutang

The traditional “To-Do list” is a list of activities and tasks one needs to complete. It is a tool I use religiously as I journal what I intend to do daily as a blueprint for getting things done. I have found the to-do list to be very useful for achieving goals. I recently came across the “To-Stop” list concept while reading management consultant Marshall Goldsmith’s book, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There. The to-stop list is a list of activities that can be professional, behavioural, or personal and need to be stopped or delegated to others. As the Chinese writer and philosopher Lin Yutang once quipped, “Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.”

When creating a to-stop list, one of the key questions is, “Does this activity or relationship bring me joy?” If it does not bring you joy or it has stopped being fun engaging with the tool, activity or task, then it is a prime candidate for the to-stop list. The list can include anything from bad habits, toxic relationships, unhealthy choices, behavioural quirks or default activities. Some things I am considering for my to-stop list include my tendency to want to add too much value, speaking more than I listen, oversharing and being too vulnerable with people who have not earned my trust. Some other things I want to stop doing include stop complaining, gossiping, watching YouTube when I am supposed to be studying in the evening, and arguing. The list is exhaustive, but the first step to changing is acknowledgment.

Enlightened Self-Interest.

February 27, 2024 In Musings 5 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want. – Zig Ziglar

Self-interest is the act of focusing on one’s needs or interests. Enlightened self-interest involves serving the needs and interests of others while at the same time serving one’s needs. At the root cause of most wars, family rifts, divorces, conflicts, misunderstandings, and miscommunication is asking someone to act against their self-interest. The greed, avarice and selfishness often associated with the corporate (dog eat dog) world and capitalism are a result of unenlightened self-interest. Enlightened Self-interest can be expressed in various ways, such as doing well by doing good, paying it forward, not-for-profit organization, mentorship, coaching, and leadership, among others. American author Zig Ziglar once said “You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”

People will do something—including changing their behavior—only if it can be demonstrated that doing so is in their own best interests as defined by their own values.

You’re Not Crazy; You’re Just First.

February 26, 2024 In Musings 7 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

One of my favourite compliments to hear is, “You are Crazy”. Most of the time, the complimenters don’t say it as a compliment, but I know I am not crazy; I am just dancing to a different beat. Most of the time, when people call another person crazy, it is probably because the other individual’s action is beyond the field of their imagination. For example, I ran nine full marathons and two half-marathons last year. Most people I share that adventure with usually say or look at me like, “You are Crazy.” Some even think I am lying, while some might think it is a brag. I share the adventure not because I want to brag but because I usually like being doubted when I tell people about my next adventure, like “Running a sub-3 hours Marathon”. I usually laugh when told I can’t do something or it will be tough like I did not know that before. I know I am not crazy because it is really not about the marathon but the individual that I am becoming.

Love is thicker than Blood.

February 25, 2024 In Musings 6 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

Relatives are the people you’re related to by blood, and family consists of the people who offer you a sense of belonging, acceptance, and connection.

Love is a verb, not a noun. It is not about what you say (“I Love You”); it is about what you do (Being supportive, listening and caring). Most of us confuse what people tell us they are (title) with what they show us (role). Someone can have a title of relative, family, sibling or friend, but the question is, are they playing the ideal role that the title confers? Your parent might not necessarily have the emotional wherewithal to be a trusted guide as one can not give what they do not have. Age is not the same thing as wisdom. The chronological timeline does not determine how wise someone is. It’s the same thing with who we call family; that someone is your family member does not mean they are your family. Family is anyone who shows you support and empathy, listens and accepts you for who you are. They say blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood.

Living a life of consequence.

February 22, 2024 In Musings 7 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

When everything is said and done, everyone dies. Our time here on earth is limited, as most of us find out very late. We live our lives like we would get as old as Methuselah; we delay living our lives to the utmost by living in someday isle and we lead an autopilot life in quiet desperation tiptoeing towards our grave. We don’t make waves because we fear the ripple effects and what other people would say or feel. But the reality of life is that we only have this one shot to make an impact and lead a life of adventure and purpose. Every action we take in life has consequences; our input determines our output, cause and effect, reap and sow.

How you live your life daily, through your choices and priorities, has long-lasting consequences on how your life will eventually turn out. At least in advanced economies, the average human life expectancy is around 80 years old. For an 80-year life, one-third of that will be spent sleeping, and another will be used for work, commuting and preparing to work. If we put this in perspective, we have less than 30 years to live a life of consequence. The more one realizes they don’t have much time, the more it becomes crucial to re-order priorities and things that would matter.

“What is success? To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate the beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch Or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Trust Your Guts.

February 21, 2024 In Musings 7 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

Trusting your guts means trusting the instinctive feeling/signal your body sends you when you are making a wrong or right decision. You can call it intuition, instinct, hunch, gut feeling, deeper knowing or sixth sense; no matter what it is called, you know it when you feel it. Our gut feeling is buried deep in our minds, and hearing it will be hard for most of us. We are surrounded by noise, distracted by drama; we are not paying attention; hence, we can’t distinguish between signals and bandwidth. Oprah Winfrey once observed, “When the universe compels me toward the best path to take, it never leaves me with ‘Maybe,’ ‘Should I?’ or even ‘Perhaps.’ I always know for sure when it’s telling me to proceed—because everything inside me rises up to reverberate ‘Yes!’.

Intuition is always right in at least two important ways; It is always in response to something. It always has your best interest at heart. – Gavin De Becker, The Gift of Fear

Random Acts of Kindness.

February 20, 2024 In Musings 7 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

It is nice to be important but it is more important to be nice.

We often don’t realize how far our random act of kindness can go to lifting up or making someone else’s day. The little smile, that show of concern, that nudge or push to let others see the greatness in them could light a fire. Many of us are so focused on our lives and responsibilities that we forget to see the constant opportunities around us to be kind. We may not always go outside of our way for others because we don’t feel connected to them. Perhaps we are caught in a mind of scarcity or too busy to notice those around us. There are always opportunities to be kind, and it is essential to remember that the smallest act of kindness can mean the world to someone else.

I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers. – Khalil Gibran

Your Busy Work is not your Life’s Work.

February 19, 2024 In Musings 5 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

British naval historian Cyril Northcote Parkinson is famous for the eponymous law, which states that “work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.” He wrote about Parkinson’s Law in a 1955 “The Economist” Essay 1 and also in his 1957 book Parkinson’s Law and Other Studies in Administration.

“It is the busiest man who has time to spare.”

Avoid the Conventional.

February 18, 2024 In Musings 6 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

Convention is based on or following what is generally done or believed. Convention relates to what is generally accepted or traditional ways of doing something. ¹ As the German-born theoretical physicist Albert Einstein famously quipped, ‘Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. ‘ To get exceptional results, one must do the exceptional by going the extra mile and avoiding the conventional. Conventional means to do what everyone is doing. You will get the same result if you do what everyone is doing. To get unconventional results requires doing unconventional things, disrespecting the status quo and becoming somewhat unreasonable and obsessed.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Busy is a decision.

February 17, 2024 In Musings 6 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

“It is not enough to be busy. So are the ants. The question is: What are we busy about?

Anytime I hear someone say I don’t have time for that or I am too busy, they are advertising their priorities. If you don’t have time to read or exercise, it is a testament that those activities are not pain points for you. Most of the time, we are not as busy as we think. We live in an age where busyness is a badge of honour. Henry David Thoreau once said, “It is not enough to be busy. So are the ants. The question is: What are we busy about?

Know Your Worth, Then Add Tax.

February 16, 2024 In Musings 5 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

In life, you don’t soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth.

In her soon-to-be-released book, Worthy: How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life, co-founder of IT Cosmetics and the first female chief executive officer of a L’Oréal brand, Jamie Kern Lima, writes about self-worth and strategies for dealing with and overcoming self-doubt. She has been on Forbes’ list of America’s wealthiest self-made women for six years, started “IT Cosmetics” in her living room with her husband, Paulo, and eventually sold it to L’Oreal for $1.2 Billion.

The greatest risk any of us will take, is to be seen as we truly are.—CINDERELLA

You have more time than you think: Reduce your media consumption.

February 15, 2024 In Musings 5 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

At an average of 400 minutes per user, per day, the world will spend a combined total of 780 trillion minutes using this internet this year, which equates to almost 1.5 billion years of collective human existence.

The average person watches about 141 hours of TV per month, or 1,692 hours per year. Assuming you reach the average U.S. life expectancy of 78, that’s about 15 years of your life. ¹ American subscription video-on-demand (SVOD) service, Netflix has around 260 million paid subscribers worldwide as of the fourth quarter of 2023. ² According to the What We Watched: A Netflix Engagement Report, users viewed over 100 billion hours in the first six months of 2023 alone. ³ We spend an average of 3 hours and 15 minutes on our smartphones, and the top 20% of smartphone users have daily screen time of over 4.5 hours. 4 According to the Digital 2024 Global Overview Report ⁵, at an average of 400 minutes per user per day, the world will spend a combined total of 780 trillion minutes using the internet this year, which equates to almost 1.5 billion years of collective human existence.

We are getting inundated and overwhelmed with data to consume and fill out every little space of boredom. Our smartphones have become an external limb that we can’t do without. Social Media and the internet are some of the most fascinating and pivotal innovations in the past three decades. They have made our lives easier and will probably be one of the tools that could end our present civilization. We are glued to our smartphones, but we rarely listen to each other as we are engrossed in our echo chamber of narcissism and self-absorption. We have all the resources for life-long learning but are becoming less educated. We have all the productivity tools, but we are short of time.