Musings Archives | Page 18 of 20

Something to Reach For.

July 10, 2023 In Musings 6 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.”― Michelangelo Buonarroti

In his autobiography, Call Me Ted ¹, Media Mogul Ted Turner, the founder of the Cable News Network (CNN), the first 24-hour cable news channel, writes about one of the most important lessons he learned from his father. His dad used to tell him: Son, you be sure to set your goals so high that you can’t possibly accomplish them in one lifetime. He writes:

Despite my father’s obvious ambition, it’s clear to me now that reaching new heights in business and material wealth actually could have undermined his mental state. He told me a memorable story on the subject. He was preparing to enter Duke University just as the Depression hit. His parents lost nearly everything and they struggled to tell him they could no longer afford his tuition.

At that young age he consoled his mother, saying, “Don’t worry, Mom. When I grow up, I’m going to work really hard and I’m going to be a success. I’m going to be a millionaire and I’m going to own a plantation and a yacht.

You can’t always be right, son, but you can always be on time

Given their circumstances at the time these were very lofty goals, but by the time he shared this story with me he had achieved all three. He said that having now checked off each of these goals, he was having a really tough time reevaluating things and coming up with a plan for the rest of his life.

“He then told me something I’ve never forgotten. He said,

“Son, you be sure to set your goals so high that you can’t possibly accomplish them in one lifetime. That way you’ll always have something ahead of you. I made the mistake of setting my goals too low and now I’m having a hard time coming up with new ones.”

HBOs documentary Weight of Gold ² explores the mental health challenges of Olympic athletes. The most successful and decorated Olympian of all time, Micheal Phelps, describes the struggle that most Olympians go through after achieving the goal they have pursued all their life. Phelps, who won 28 medals in his illustrious career with 23 of them gold, knows a lot about the roller coaster of post-winning depression. The documentary also features other Olympians such as Apolo Ohno, Steven Holcomb, Gracie Gold, Sasha Cohen, Katie Uhlaender, Lolo Jones, Jeremy Bloom, Bode Miller, David Boudia, and Jonathan Cheever.

According to Phelphs:

We’re lost. I think that’s where a lot of it really comes from is we’re just so lost because we spent four years grinding for that one moment. And now, we don’t know what the hell to do. I think it’s probably safe to say that a good 80% – maybe more – go through some kind of post-Olympic depression.

The Weight of Gold is an eye-opening documentary about what athletes must go through, the mental health issues and the need to seek help. These athletes spend a lot of time training to become Olympians; it eventually becomes their identity, and for most of them, without it they feel empty. As the documentary showed, some former Olympians committed suicide due to post-Olympic depression. They become obsessed, locked in and super-focused to get to their ultimate aim of becoming an Olympian. After achieving the goal, most of them don’t have a goal bigger to stretch for as they have dedicated a lot of time and energy to achieve their goal.

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:

Don’t limit yourself. Whether that’s in the area of pursuing equality, creative freedom, or whatever else that looks like for you, step into the roles that aren’t being filled. Oftentimes, our greatest creative challenges come from a place of inner change because we’re pushed, pulled, and stretched into shapes, corners, and directions we never thought we’d occupy. 3

It’s important to set lofty dreams in order to avoid outgrowing them because an ego is really just an overdressed insecurity.

Meditation

Daily Calm with Tamara Levitt – Guidance

When seeking answers in life, we often instinctively turn to others for guidance. We face a conundrum or a dilemma so we call on the advice of trusted allies. It is sensible to seek direction as we navigate questions of love, family or career. But ultimately it is our own experience, our own understanding that would show us the way. Each of us has innate wisdom, we just need to connect with it, when we sit in silence we quiet the chatter of our own thoughts and outside influences. And from the silence and stillness, wisdom has the opportunity to arise, we become more attuned to what is right for us.
Guidance can be helpful but remember that you are your own greatest teacher. As your practice deepens, learn to trust your internal source of wisdom.

So you have to be your own teacher and your own disciple, and there is no teacher outside, no saviour, no master; you yourself have to change, and therefore you have to learn to observe, to know yourself. This learning about yourself is a fascinating and joyous business. – Jiddu Krishnamurti
–

Daily Jay with Jay Shetty – Dance Through Life
Man Plans GOD love: Besides our best effort to maintain control, our world is often messy and unpredictable. If you want to thrive, you need to learn to go with the flow.
Life is not a computer program with a predictable outcome every time you run it. Life is a dance that you got to stay open to hearing the beat, adjusting to the tempo of the universe and moving accordingly. Just like when you are dancing, you can’t linger on missteps; at some point, you may slip while trying to spin or accidentally bump into your partner which is merely a part of being alive.
Some of life’s greatest achievement requires a great deal of deliberate action.

Podcast

Grindr: Joel Simkhai | How I Built This with Guy Raz

All the Best in your quest to get better. Don’t Settle: Live with Passion.

Let It Be.

July 9, 2023 In Musings 7 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

Before the English rock band the Beatles broke up, they released their twelfth and final studio album titled Let It Be on 8 May 1970 and a documentary film of the same name was also released. One of the tracks on the album was named “Let It Be” which is about letting situations take their natural cause and moving on in life. The track is one of my favourite Beatles tracks of all time, as the message is very inspiring. Life is a roller coaster of ups and downs, frowns and smiles, peaks and valleys. When things go wrong, as they often do, having an attitude of radical acceptance to the impermanence of life is a great skill for building resilience and mental fortitude.

Stop People Pleasing.

July 8, 2023 In Musings 10 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

In our quest to please other people, we suppress our needs, feelings and desire in a bid to prioritize other people’s wants and desires. We people-please as a result of our early childhood programming by our parents, caregivers, teachers and early influencers. This early programming, conditioning and domestication makes most of us unable to say No, set healthy boundaries and stop performing for the people around us. We play different roles in different situations such as the role of being a family member, spouse, co-worker and neighbour. We people-please based on the individual we are dealing with or the authorities involved.

Enforce your Boundaries.

July 7, 2023 In Musings 11 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me.

We tolerate and rationalize inappropriate and toxic behaviours from our closest family and friends, all in the name of avoiding conflict, pleasing people and an inability to set clear, healthy boundaries. Setting healthy boundaries can be extremely tough, especially when you have been raised to avoid conflict; people please and prioritize others over your needs. I am the first grandchild of both my paternal and maternal grandparents; this placed a lot of responsibility on my shoulders, especially if you were raised in a place like sub-Saharan Africa, where the extended family unit is highly regarded. It takes a village to raise a child is a proverb drummed into an African child’s ear from a very young age, and this worldview is part of the challenge. It is a great value system, but if one is not careful, one might be addicted to martyrdom or become pathologically altruistic.

Be a Practitioner.

July 6, 2023 In Musings 6 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

We live in a world where what you say is more important than what you can do. A world that focuses on who, not what, telling but not showing, a world of influencers that do not influence, a world of business coaches without a business, a trainer who hardly goes to the gym, a writer that does not write and a runner that does not run.

Author John C. Maxwell shares a great analogy about the difference between a tour guide and a travel agent. The metaphor is great for showing that the leader is a practitioner, in the frontline, a doer, and ultimately shows and leads the way. In his book, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership: Follow Them and People Will Follow You¹, John Maxwell observed:

Too many leaders are like bad travel agents. They send people places they have never been. Instead, they should be more like tour guides, taking people places they have gone and sharing the wisdom of their own experiences.

There are a lot of people in the world who are willing to give advice on things they’ve never experienced. They are like bad travel agents: they sell you an expensive ticket and say, “I hope you enjoy the trip.” Then you never see them again. In contrast, good leaders are like tour guides. They know the territory because they’ve made the trip before, and they do what they can to make the trip enjoyable and successful for everybody. ²

Leaders, by definition, are out front. They take new territory and others follow them. Great leaders don’t merely send others out. They lead the charge. They’re more like tour guides than travel agents. They see opportunities, prepare to move forward, and then say, “Follow me.” When you see someone who is able to see opportunities and is willing to take good risks, pay attention. You may be looking at a leader

Leaders are dealers in hope; they lead from the front, and they believe in showing, not telling.

Leadership builds up, not down.
It is active, not passive,
Leadership brings a smile, not a frown.

Leadership gives credit, not blame.
It casts vision, not doubt,
Leadership drives change, not same.

Leadership adds value, not clutter.
It sees causes, not symptoms,
Leadership ignites passion, not a sputter.

Leadership helps you swim, not drown.
It is inspiring, not expiring,
Leadership is a verb, not a noun.

Dreams are lovely. But they are just dreams. Fleeting, ephemeral, pretty. But dreams do not come true just because you dream them. It’s hard work that makes things happen. It’s hard work that creates change.

In her 2014 Dartmouth Commencement Speech, American television producer and screenwriter Shonda Rhimes shared some great insights on becoming a doer.

So, Lesson One, I guess is: Ditch the dream and be a doer, not a dreamer. Maybe you know exactly what it is you dream of being, or maybe you’re paralyzed because you have no idea what your passion is. The truth is, it doesn’t matter. You don’t have to know. You just have to keep moving forward. You just have to keep doing something, seizing the next opportunity, staying open to trying something new. It doesn’t have to fit your vision of the perfect job or the perfect life. Perfect is boring and dreams are not real. Just … do. So you think, “I wish I could travel.” Great. Sell your crappy car, buy a ticket to Bangkok, and go. Right now. I’m serious.

Lesson One: Ditch the Dream. Be a Do-er, Not a Dreamer.

You want to be a writer? A writer is someone who writes every day, so start writing. You don’t have a job? Get one. Any job. Don’t sit at home waiting for the magical opportunity. Who are you? Prince William? No. Get a job. Go to work. Do something until you can do something else.

I did not dream of being a TV writer. Never, not once when I was here in the hallowed halls of the Ivy League, did I say to myself, “Self, I want to write TV.”

You know what I wanted to be? I wanted to be Nobel Prize-winning author Toni Morrison. That was my dream. I blue sky’ed it like crazy. I dreamed and dreamed. And while I was dreaming, I was living in my sister’s basement. Dreamers often end up living in the basements of relatives, FYI. Anyway, there I was in that basement, and I was dreaming of being Nobel Prize-winning author Toni Morrison. And guess what? I couldn’t be Nobel Prize-winning author Toni Morrison, because Toni Morrison already had that job and she wasn’t interested in giving it up. So one day I was sitting in that basement and I read an article that said—it was in The New York Times—and it said it was harder to get into USC Film School than it was to get into Harvard Law School. And I thought I could dream about being Toni Morrison, or I could do.

At film school, I discovered an entirely new way of telling stories. A way that suited me. A way that brought me joy. A way that flipped this switch in my brain and changed the way I saw the world. Years later, I had dinner with Toni Morrison. All she wanted to talk about was Grey’s Anatomy. That never would have happened if I hadn’t stopped dreaming of becoming her and gotten busy becoming myself.

Meditation

Daily Calm with Tamara Levitt – Clarity
To develop clarity, you need to investigate your experiences constantly – use questions to get clear on what you are sensing, use curiosity and interest to explore what is actually happening inside you, and challenge yourself to perceive your body and breadth in more detail.

‘The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper. – Eden Phillpotts

Daily Jay with Jay Shetty – Level Up
There is no high score list in the game that is your life; we mark progress by collecting a unique blend of abilities, experiences, relationships, and qualities. The real fun and the real victory come in each incremental step.

Podcast

20VC: The Rent the Runway Memo: How Paid Marketing & Growth Hacking Ruined a Generation of Companies, When Will Rent the Runway Be Profitable & How Does it Compare to Other Fashion Co’s and Why “I Wish I Ran My Startup Like a Public Company” | The Twenty Minute VC (20VC): Venture Capital | Startup Funding | The Pitch

All the best in your quest to get better. Don’t Settle: Live with Passion.

Be wary of Peripheral Opponents

July 5, 2023 In Musings 8 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

NBA Hall of Fame coach and executive Pat Riley is regarded as one of the greatest NBA coaches of all time. He led the 80s showtime Los Angeles Lakers team that had Magic Johnson and Kareem Abdul Jabar to four NBA championships and won one more ring with the MIAMI Heat in 2006, taking his total as a coach to five rings. Riley is known to pep his team up with motivational and inspirational talks and quotes. Hall of Famer and five-time NBA champion Magic Johnson writes in his autobiography – My Life – Earvin Magic Johnson, about one of Riley’s favorite techniques he used with the team to keep their focus – “Peripheral Opponents.”

“He planned all his pregame speeches, writing them out in advance with a blue felt-tipped pen on a blue card. He was continually reading books, looking for quotes that might motivate us. And he loved inspirational one-liners like “No rebounds, no rings.”.

No is a complete statement.

July 4, 2023 In Musings 5 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

Never explain does that need it don’t matter, does that matter don’t need it.

Life is a series of tradeoffs; saying yes to something is saying NO to something else. Chinese inventor and philosopher Lin Yutang once quipped, “Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.” One of the toughest daily decisions we all have to make is saying NO to ourselves, our family, and our friends. Never explain does that need it don’t matter, does that matter don’t need it.

Time is the most valuable commodity in the world, and if it is not managed efficiently, you will spend it continuously optimizing for other people’s priorities. Nothing succeeds like success; success begets success. Be careful what you ask for; you might get it. When you get to the top, one of the challenges you will have to deal with is managing requests such as speaking engagements, coffee chats, mentorship requests, pitches etc. Your time here is limited, and your bandwidth begins to diminish with time because of your newfound success. Saying NO to people and their requests will be one of the skills you would have to develop quickly.

Practice.Practice.Practice.

July 3, 2023 In Musings 5 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

We get rewarded in public for what we repeatedly practice and develop in private. One of the hallmarks of the greatest artist, athletes, and businesspeople is their passion to be the best in their chosen profession. They sweat the small stuff and deliberately practice for a long period through reps, laps, road work, sessions, pitches, etc. As Greek Philosopher Aristotle once observed “We are what we repeatedly do; excellence is then not an act but a habit”. We play the way we train to bleed less in war; you would have to sweat more in training. When Puerto Rican cellist Pablo Casals was asked why he continued to practice the cello three hours a day at 93, he answered… “I’m beginning to notice some improvement.

“We don’t rise to the level of our expectations; we fall to the level of our training.”

There is an old joke about someone trying to get to Carnegie Hall and he spots another man carrying a violin case. He asked “Sir, how do I get to Carnegie Hall? The other fellow smiles and says, “Practice, Practice, Practice.”

If you want to soar like an eagle, you don’t flock with the chickens.

July 2, 2023 In Musings 8 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

If you want to soar with the eagles, you can not continue to flock with the chickens. If you hang around the barber shop long enough, you will get a haircut sooner or later. It would be best to be mindful of your environment, as you cannot take yourself or people farther than you have gone. To soar with the eagles, you must switch context repeatedly, leave your comfort zone, and be mindful of who you hang around, listen to or engage with.

We are all meant to be great and are here for a great purpose, but we forget our greatness due to the vicissitudes of life. A lion settles for being a cat; an eagle thinks like a chicken, and a human settles for the rat race. American actress Lily Tomlin once said, “The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” We forget our uniqueness, wholesomeness, power, and magnificence; hence we stay in toxic situationships, unfulfilling jobs, dramatic family units, and unrewarding affiliations. Life is too short to spend it in an unproductive environment because we are here to create great things.

A ship in harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. – John A Shedd

What are you becoming?

July 1, 2023 In Musings 8 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

“The big question is not what am I getting paid here. The big question is, what am i becoming? Here. Because true happiness is not contained in what you get, happiness is contained in what you become.”

The question I have asked myself the most recently is What are you becoming? You name it, whether it is a relationship, hobby, passion, association, affiliation, acquaintance, or priority. We all have a choice in life, which makes us different from other animals: the ability to introspect and course correct. Before 2018, I used to watch almost every game of the premier league team – Manchester United. I started supporting Man U when they won the European champions league in 1998; I fell in love with the team and have been a die-hard fan ever since. In 2013, when I lost my closest cousin, I started drifting away from watching too much soccer as I started questioning the meaning of life itself.

In 2018, I stopped watching 90 minutes of soccer and started watching more of the highlights. Right now, I only watch the highlight if the team wins and do not watch them if they draw or lose. It took me a while to get to this stage of detachment with the team, but I have gone through many trials and tribulations in life, and what I optimize for now is joy. I used to be so sad when the team lost or drew, and it greatly affected my mood after a defeat. Circa 2018, I made a decision based on the question, “What are you becoming?” due to my deep attachment to this soccer team. Deciding to stop watching 90 minutes of soccer, especially the ones involving my favourite soccer team, was not easy, but I have instead tried to use my free time optimally.

Develop a KeyStone Habit.

June 30, 2023 In Musings 5 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

“Understanding keystone habits holds the answer to that question: The habits that matter most are the ones that, when they start to shift, dislodge and remake other patterns.”

In his book, The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, author Charles Duhigg popularized the concept of Keystone Habits. 1

A keystone habit can have a positive impact on multiple areas of your life—even if you’re not intentionally trying to improve them.

Keystone habits say that success doesn’t depend on getting every single thing right, but instead relies on identifying a few key priorities and fashioning them into powerful levers. If you focus on changing or cultivating keystone habits, you can cause widespread shifts. However, identifying keystone habits is tricky. To find them, you have to know where to look. Detecting keystone habits means searching out certain characteristics. Keystone habits offer what is known within academic literature as “small wins.” They help other habits to flourish by creating new structures, and they establish cultures where change becomes contagious. ¹

Say No To Drama.

June 29, 2023 In Musings 9 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

We all have drama in our lives, from family drama to workplace to spousal and relationship drama. Most of the time, we allow this drama by engaging and enabling dramatic people and situations. I have realized that to have peace of mind, you need to reduce drama and dramatics to the bearest minimum. We stay in familiar relationships with no-growth individuals and constantly nag about the negativity, toxicity and drama we have to deal with constantly. Saying No to drama can be tough, especially with family and friends, but you have to make the tough decision of reducing the amount of time you spend with dramatic people.

We stay stuck in a drama triangle and become helpless and miserable due to our interactions with harmful, toxic, dramatic individuals. It is not a great place to be, as setting boundaries for family and friends can be extremely tough. As Robert Frost noted in his 1914 poem “Mending Walls,” – ‘Good fences make good neighbours.’ Boundaries without consequences is nagging. We constantly complain and nag about people’s dramatics, but we do nothing about it. You need to protect your peace of mind as life is too short to be spending it with people that are not elevating you. Say NO to Drama.

Good fences make good neighbours.

Do not let your schooling interfere with your education.

June 28, 2023 In Musings 7 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

“It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.”

American Writer and Humorist Mark Twain once said, “Do not let schooling interfere with your education.” We live in a world where we equate schooling with being educated, but the reality is that they are different. You can be well-schooled but not educated; as former American President Calvin Coolidge once observed, “The world is full of educated derelicts.”

Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.

A typical adult equates the end of formal schooling to the end of education. Meanwhile, education is supposed to draw out our latent curiosity and make us love learning even more. Education is supposed to be lifelong, from cradle to death. The word “education” is derived from the Latin words ēducō, educate, educere and educatum. It means to bring forth, to draw out, to nourish. education is supposed to draw out our hidden talent, which is latent in us, The challenge of our present schooling system is that it is not producing lifelong learners but individuals obsessed with avarice.

Prune your Relationships

June 27, 2023 In Musings 7 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

How far you go in life is going to be determined by who and what you surround yourself with, be it humans, books, affiliations, or priorities. You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with – show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future and who you are. Most of us hold on to familiar relationships and allow people to mistreat and abuse us because they are family. The word family is from the Latin Familia ¹“servants of a household,” or “domesticus”. We hold on to the known and familiar even when it is not taking us to where we want to go or giving us joy. Life is too short to spend time or energy with someone or something that is not serving your pursuit of joy.

Increase your Baseline.

June 26, 2023 In Musings 5 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

A baseline is a minimum or starting point used for comparisons. Humans are the ultimate adaptation, but our natural state is homeostasis – the tendency toward a relatively stable equilibrium between interdependent elements, primarily maintained by physiological processes. We tend to move towards the path of least resistance, and we strive to avoid pain and discomfort. We say we want to be fit, but we eat junk food and avoid going to the gym, we want to be wise, but we avoid reading or surrounding ourselves with wiser people; we want to be wealthy, but we spend more than we earn, we want to be great, but we live a life of mediocrity.

Musings