Musings Archives | Page 14 of 20

Say No to Fake Relationships.

September 14, 2023 In Musings 10 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

If you live casually, you end up a casualty.

Your mum was right; she probably admonished you with one of these statements: “Don’t hang around the wrong crowd,” and “If you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas.” This is one of the few things that most parents get right: being able to spot and advise their children against hanging around wrong influences. They know this because they know what hanging around bad influences did to them and the consequences of not setting healthy boundaries against bad associations. Keeping fake and toxic people around you could get you killed, as they do not have your best interest at heart. For most of us, because of the fear of loneliness, we hang on to energy drainers, dream killers, frenemies disguised as siblings, parents, childhood friends and colleagues.

Don’t get Bitter, Get Better.

September 13, 2023 In Musings 10 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

Life will happen to us all at some point, whether getting fired, having our hearts broken, being betrayed by trusted family and friends, dealing with a toxic relationship or being frustrated with a situation, among other challenges we all face. Whatever would go wrong would eventually go wrong at the least expected time. It is not a matter of how things will go; it is a matter of when. We cannot control the weather, but we can control how we go into any weather. As the Scandinavians would say, “There is nothing like bad weather; what we have is bad clothing.” The challenge for most of us is that we constantly try to control everything in our lives. Instead of changing ourselves, we try to change others; instead of wearing appropriate clothing, we complain about the weather; instead of getting better, we get bitter. Instead of looking into the mirror, we look outside the window by blaming others.

“There is nothing like bad weather; what we have is bad clothing.” – Scandinavian Proverb

Seek first to understand before you are understood.

September 9, 2023 In Musings 8 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

At the core of most of our relationship issues is everyone wanting to be understood before understanding the other person. As the saying goes, “No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.” We all want to be heard, understood and seen. One of our most significant cravings as humans is the need to be understood and not be misunderstood, especially by the people closest to us. In our age of social media, we hardly listen to one another, we tweet a lot but little with is been transmitted, we hear but we don’t listen, we don’t seek to understand one another and that is the reason for most of the chaos we have in the world.

American talk show host Oprah Winfrey is often considered one of the most influential women in the world and at the heart of her influence is her ability to get people talking and sharing from their heart. She tries to listen to emphatically to her giest be they celebrities or ordinary people. Oprah ran her talk show, The Oprah Winfrey Show, for 25 years, from 1986 to 2011. In the Show Finale of The Oprah Winfrey Show on 25 May 2011, Oprah made a statement that underscores the truism that we all seek understanding. Oprah commented:

The Joy of Playing Pickle Ball.

September 8, 2023 In Musings 5 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

According to The Sports & Fitness Industry Association (SFIA) 2023 Sports, Fitness, and Leisure Activities Topline Participation Report, Pickleball is the fastest-growing sport in America for the third year in a row with 8.9 million players in the United States over the age of six years old, and a growth of 39.3% over the last two years. Participation nearly doubled in 2022, increasing by 85.7% year-over-year and by an astonishing 158.6% over three years.

Change Yourself Not Others.

September 7, 2023 In Musings 8 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

I am an empath to the core, and I tend to see people as who they can become and not what they are presently. One of the challenges of seeing the best in people all the time is that, at some point, they begin to take it for granted, misuse the privilege or not understand my motive. One of my core personal philosophies is to give what I want. When I want money, I give it out; when I need encouragement, I inspire others; and when I want strength, I stay to give others strength. One of the hardest things to do in life is to try to change people. Leadership author John C. Maxwell observed that there are three catalysts for change: People change when they hurt enough that they have to change. People change when they learn enough that they want to change. People change when they receive enough that they are able to change.

People change when they hurt enough that they have to change. People change when they learn enough that they want to change. People change when they receive enough that they are able to change. – John C. Maxwell

The Power of Resilience.

September 7, 2023 In Musings 6 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

Resilience is the capacity to withstand or recover quickly from difficulties. The word Resilience is derived from the present participle of the Latin verb resilire, meaning “to jump back” or “to recoil.”, from re- “back” + salire “to jump, leap”. In physical sciences, the meaning “elasticity, power of returning to original shape after compression, etc.” ¹

If we are willing to walk fearlessly and tenderly into the crucible of a painful ending, we will find gifts waiting for us there that we never could have seen had we continued clinging to the safety of the familiar. – CRAIG HAMILTON

Skin in the Game.

September 6, 2023 In Musings 11 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

All great leaders have skin in the game- they show, hardly tell, and they go on the journey with their followers. They lead by example; the only stock they have is their company shares, they walk their talk, and they don’t tell people to do what they are unwilling to do themself. In business parlance, Skin in the Game refers to owners, executives, or principals having a significant stake in the shares of the company they manage. ¹ With skin in the game, you are committed to your long-term goal, before you build a team to help achieve your dream; showing the ways you have skin in the game is a great way to attract great talent.

“Never trust anyone who doesn’t have skin in the game. Without it, fools and crooks will benefit, and their mistakes will never come back to haunt them.”

Are you being Love Bombed?

September 3, 2023 In Musings 5 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

One of the favourite tools of toxic people, narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths is love bombing. These individuals would bombard you with affection, gifts, attention and “love” during the early days of your relationship, but the honey phase does not last that long. Identifying love bomb can be tricky, especially when you have not experienced it before, or if you are an empath, it is even harder to spot. We can experience love bombing in any relationship, whether a sibling, spouse, friend, acquaintance, or frenemy. Most relationships do not start as toxic; the toxicity gets revealed when their true character is unveiled with time. I try to heed the words of American Poet Maya Angelou, who once said, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” Love Bombing seems like normal behaviour, but extreme idealizing is a red flag of things to come. If it is too good to be true, it is probably not for real.

It is going to get dark.

September 2, 2023 In Musings 6 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

As the saying goes, “It’s darkest before the dawn.“, Before your major breakthrough, you are going to be tested with challenges, trials and tribulations; you are going to doubt your abilities, and the naysayers will make you doubt yourself more but don’t give in. Success is not a straight path; it takes ten years to succeed overnight. There would be dark, lonely, cold nights on your path to greatness. You have to see the end in your mind, have faith in a higher power directing your steps and keep it moving always. As American author and motivational speaker Jim Rohn often said, “Don’t wish it was easier; wish you were better. Don’t wish for fewer problems; wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenge; wish for more wisdom”.

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.

September 1, 2023 In Musings 7 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

Fear is an emotion we all have to deal with, and it is a sign of being alive to show fear. We are all scared of one thing or another; most of us let the fear stop us from moving forward, while the high achievers feel the fear and do it anyway. Fear will be a part of you as long as you are living; the moment you stop getting scared of anything, you are dead. Even the most confident people like Barack Obama, Beyonce, Jayz, Oprah Winfrey and all the most admired people in the world battle with a fear of something or the other.

You are not your Mistakes.

August 31, 2023 In Musings 9 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

Mistakes we all make knowingly or unknowingly. You are not mistakes, failures or challenges. It is not a matter of if you will make mistakes; it is a matter of when. Mistake ¹ (v.) mid-14c., “to commit an offence;” late 14c., “to misunderstand, misinterpret, take in a wrong sense,” from mis- (1) “badly, wrongly” + take (v.) or from a cognate Scandinavian source such as Old Norse mistaka “take in error, miscarry.” It is not about the number of mistakes you make but the lessons and insights you would learn from your mistakes. Insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly but expecting different results. You made a mistake, but you are not a mistake; you failed, but you are not a failure; you are going through some tough, trying times right now, but this too shall pass.

The Runners High.

August 29, 2023 In Musings 8 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

The runner’s high ¹describes a euphoric state resulting from long-distance running. According to David Linden, Ph.D., a professor of neuroscience at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, The experience is usually attributed to a burst of endorphins released during exercise. “Exercise has a dramatic anti-depressive effect; it blunts the brain’s response to physical and emotional stress. By making running or jogging (or any aerobic exercise) a regular part of your routine, you stand to earn more than just physical gains over time. Voluntary exercise is the single best thing one can do to slow the cognitive decline that accompanies normal aging. ²

“A runner is a miser, spending the pennies of his energy with great stinginess, constantly wanting to know how much he has spent and how much longer he will be expected to pay. He wants to be broke at precisely the moment he no longer needs his coin.” – John L. Parker Jr., Once a Runner

Don’t Lose your sense of wonder.

August 28, 2023 In Musings 7 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

American country music singer Lee Ann Womack’s song “I Hope You Dance” is one of my favourite songs for uplifting myself during trying times. Womack sings, “I hope you never lose your sense of wonder.” I love the song’s uplifting message of faith and not forgetting to live with wonder. She reminds us to dance and wander, especially in a world constantly trying to make us live an unexamined script. As children, we live every moment with joy, curiosity, and wonder. However, with time, we get domesticated, indoctrinated, programmed, and imprinted with the societal script of what it means to grow up.

The Courage to Stand Alone.

August 27, 2023 In Musings 13 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

Cowardice asks the question, is it safe? Expediency ask the question, is it politic? Vanity asks the question, is it popular? But conscience ask the question, is it right? And there comes a time when we must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but one must take it because it is right.

The leaders we respect the most are those who stood for something and were able to stand for their convictions even though the general consensus was against them. They were willing to die for what they stood for and they ultimately paid for their courage to stand for their conviction sometimes with their life. Nelson Mandela was imprisoned for 27 years for his values, Muhammed Alli refused to be drafted into the military owing to his religious beliefs and ethical opposition to the Vietnam War in turn not fighting for four years and not performing at the height of his career, Rosa Park’s civil disobedience to resist bus segregation sparked the Montgomery bus boycott, President Abraham Lincoln preserved the American union through the civil war and abolished slavery, and Martin Luther King Jnr. had a dream but ultimately paid with his life.

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.” ― E.E. Cummings

Boundaries without consequences is Nagging.

August 26, 2023 In Musings 5 Mins Read By Lanre Dahunsi

Some of the most complicated people to enforce our boundaries with are our close family and friends; saying no and following through with it is challenging. It is not enough to set boundaries; at some point, you must enforce the consequences of people not following your rules. It is not your job to continuously announce your boundaries; it is simply to enforce the consequences when your boundaries are crossed. We are what we tolerate if you set a standard for people close to you to continuously treat you as a doormat and take you for granted. If you don’t like how you are being treated, set healthy boundaries, and if they get crossed, enforce the consequences.